LYNN—Forget cops with sirens and handcuffs. The City of Lynn just hired a squad of social workers to answer emergency calls. Yes, really. If you’re getting mugged, the next voice on the line might not be “Freeze, police!” but “Let’s all take a deep breath and unpack those feelings.”

It’s called the Calm Team, and instead of cruisers and cuffs, they’ll be rolling out clipboards, de-escalation techniques, and maybe some breathing exercises. Nonviolent situations only, the city insists—but good luck figuring out if that guy rifling through your car counts as “violent” before dialing.

The city coughed up hundreds of thousands in taxpayer and federal rescue funds to bankroll this softer, gentler 911 alternative. The activists who demanded “care not cops” are thrilled. Critics? Less so. They wonder how long before a social worker with a tote bag gets sent to break up a knife fight behind Market Basket.

For now, Lynn residents can call 781-905-CALM instead of 911. Because nothing says “public safety” like asking a clinical social worker to show up and talk down a burglar.